Alive and Well
Hey fam, guess who’s back :) This is kind of a deep/emotional one but thought it was important to share
This trip has really taught me a lot about myself. Particularly, it’s really given me time to think about what I want to make of my life. That every breath and second is one I need to be grateful for. Saying that, I have not magically “figured out my life” like a lot of people probably have expected me to while traveling. Instead, I have learned the love the fact that I don’t know what I want to do and that means I can be whoever I want, whenever I want. I dont mean morally, family or friend wise but rather the fact that I don’t think I will ever let myself get complacent again.
Not knowing what I want to do can be extremely stressful but again - I would rather not know and be able to change to whatever then be doing the same career my whole life. Maybe that’s something my generation has been doing differently. Maybe it’s frowned upon but in all honesty my first priority is myself - my inner joy and peace. Then comes my family, friends, etc. But I need to consistently do whatever it is that makes me happy (obviously without being an egotisitical bitch).
Another thing, I’ve been thinking so much about it the fact that I really don’t want to go home to Philadelphia. Not because of my friends or family (I miss them so so much) but because I don’t feel like my most authentic self when I am there. I feel like there are these ropes that keep me from outgrowing the Cogan I was in college and the past 2 years I’ve been there. Yes - this is a me problem that I tend to really work on when I get back but other than my family and friends being there I really dont feel any reason to stay. I would love to honestly move right when I get back but I am going to get a job or two, save up some money and at the end of my lease in June make the change. I have no idea where I want to go or again what I want to do but I want the opportunity to not be tied down to one place for a full year. Maybe I’ll try to get out to Wyoming with Chris and Tom for a little, maybe I’ll go travel again, Maybe I’ll try to apply for a work-holiday visa so I can travel and work in Europe or Southeast Asia. Who knows but I know I will figure it out and have a family that is an amazing support team behind me (and most people dont have that). I am SOOOO extremely grateful for my family and all the support ive been given <3
On that I have realized I like having a “home base”. A place where I feel comfortable, can unpack, relax and make meals. I want to be working and in the gym. It’s part of who I am - not my identity but what I like to use my skills towards. So again, this is something I need to figure out. I need to simplify my life down to what makes me happy and feel the most authentic to me.
The thought of going home is honestly making me tear up right now because I am enjoying my time here, meeting so many new people, seeing beautiful places, making memories I’ll have forever and progressing in so many ways with self growth. I’m scared going home will have me revert to the “old” me :/
On a happier note…..
I know have Laurie’s google tablet so I should be able to update this blog more often and easier. I’m going to work on uploading the rest of my pictures from Portugal and Ireland today while waiting to board my flight to Scotland. Then the next few days I’ll do my best to do a write up of Portugal and Ireland too.
What I really need to do is sit and update my personal handwritten journal - I know I’m putting all of this on the website but that journal I’ll hopefully have forever <3
Keep an eye out for the uploaded photos and new blogs to come!! See y’all in Scotland!!!
